I am cheating on this blog

With another one:

http://themostpretentiousgirlintheworld.tumblr.com/

Useless and unnecessary, I know, but I like the layout.

What's Up, England?

Inspired by the fact that those silly Brits call "Spaghettios" "Spaghetti Hoops," my new-found passion is laughing at the hilarious titles our English counterparts give their tinned goods.



At first restricting this hobby to pure solo time-wasting and occasionally posting things on Tanya's facebook page, I realized it would probably better humanity if I shared this joy with the world at large, or at least the rest of the internet. So naturally, I made a blog about it.


Here are some of my favorites:

THE LITTLE THINGS: Four Lions (Chris Morris, 2010)

I didn't take this, nor have I seen the film as it is not released in the US yet, but oh, Christopher Morris.

I've Got a Lexical Liking for Ya: These Words Feel Good in My Mouth

Want to sell me anything?

Just drizzle your pitch with some of the words below, sir!


pocket, chimney, mittens, puffin, kitten, muffin, English, England, British, Britain, Irish, Ireland, Scottish, Scotland, Welsh, mouse, autumn, winter, cottage, delight, nutmeg, tweed, whimsical, sweater, knitting, crumpet, tea, dreary, button, plaid, cloak, coat, jacket, boots, sneakers, wool, woolen, woolly, charming, charmer, delightful, meadow, snow, leaves, cat, cats, scamper, hedgehog, willow, widow, spinster, bucket, books, library, little, corner, shier, hobbit, trolley, train, trundle, moss, burrow, meek, feeble, fellow, sir, lady, morning, pipe, cheer, cheers, cheery, chairs, bramble, ale, pub, crisp, chip, oak, wooden, puppet, chipper, castle, pal, friendly, church, town, village, nice, cider, spiced, circus, market, London, frack, clackity, clarinet, galoshes, gray, grey, beret, chapeau, sniffles, handkerchief, wicker, fox, foxy, patch, harmonica, custard, Manhattan, basket, nimble, thimble, stranger, hearty, herbal, camper, Christmas, tiny, faerie, wardrobe, cupboard, cabinet, breakfast, supper, wick, candle, eave, scrumptious, comic, wrinkle, crinkle, elsewhere, Benjamin, match, matches, matchbook, knight, night, slumber, September, November, cobweb, owlet, puddle, muddle, medley, meddle, bungalow, bumble, pyjamas, eleven, sparrow, thyme, parsley, parsnip, biscuit, shepherd, goose, gosling, ginger, gingerly, cheshire, smoke, smokey, smoking, cumbersome, chomp, post, bungle, carpet, badger, bother, mother, father, kipper, kip, brilliant, hilarious, jokes, snack, nap, snap, snapper, cracker, crack, crackle, chicken, kitchen, sweep, rambunctious, mellow, letter, mantle, stove, oven, pack, thrifty, crafty, clever, chickadee, beginning, mutton, sleigh, painted, home, prancing, wildebeest, gnashers, tinsel, doily, knob, elves, elven, curtain, cup, ladle, riddle, bobbin, barrow, mushroom, winsome, creek, wolf, woof, roof


JUST ME: ghost, moustache, awkward, lonely, Swedish, Finnish, Icelandic, Scandinavian, boxy, bicycle, cubic, chump, cinema, city, clack, clerk, cassette, hat, harpsichord, buster, box, danger, crumple, staple, shark, watch, conversation, bench, baggage, snatch, elevator, escalator, shrub, chase, shelves, cap, chap, choice

JUST TANYA: kettle, enchanting, Norse, garden, buckle, butter-brickle, buttery, medieval, loft, brier, fig, apothecary, emporium, menagerie, primrose, cauldron, cathedral, chuckle, spider, spidery, banquet, feast, tower, pumpkin, lord, forest, stew, stone, Halloween, crumble, dot, cocoa, fairy, sorcerer, copper, October, December, cobbler, bumblebee, cookie, gooseberry, ducklings, epitaph, celestial, wobble, roast, roasted, haven, treacle, crystallized, pickle, magnificent, comet, pugnacious, nappy, grackle, warmth, witchcraft, moon, root, bell, velvet, trinket, embers, cupcakes, drizzle, tartlet, piglet, icicle, gander, cane, ribbon, hazel, billowing



Or if, alternately, you are not at all interested in my patronage, then just throw a couple of these verbal bastards in the mix:

tender
supple
probe
moist


(You ain't getting any of my coin with that kind of lip!)

this makes me laugh a little bit too much

THE LITTLE THINGS: The IT Crowd, S04E02

Even though watching takes serious concentration to block out the clangorous screech of its earsplitting laughtrack (modifiers: courtesy Webster's New World Thesaurus), I can no longer deny being a fan.



You gotta love this show.

(Chop!)

THE LITTLE THINGS: The Matrix (Wachowski Siblings, 1999)

I'd like to point out that I was watching this for a paper, not for personal use.


Amazing Book Bargains!


Guess Keanu didn't have time to shave that day...

THE LITTLE THINGS: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (Kevin Smith, 2001)

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back... uh... Kevin Smith's wife and daughter are in it.


I really like Jay's signature... and the fact that Kevin Smith is president.

THE LITTLE THINGS: Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

If this doesn't convince you to watch the show, then your sense of humor is pretty much hopeless.

THE LITTLE THINGS: My Name is Earl

It started with an unhealthy obsession for Jason Lee's moustache.


Just look at that beautiful thing.

It also ended with that fixation still in tact, but my love for all things facial hair fructified* into a two-week period in which a very unwholesome amount of My Name is Earl was watched.

I might someday get around to watching the end of the fourth season, but I might not. Cos Earl really isn't that great of a show. It suffers from trying to be a comedy program, but having a premise revolving around an unfunny guy. Episodes are best when they're not about Earl, but due to the structure and name of the program, his character can't ever be booted off. (The basic plot: Earl Hickey spent his life subscribing to crime and basic jackassery, then one day he wins the lottery but gets hit by a car and decides to be a better person by devoting himself and his winnings to righting his wrongs. It's all explained in the opening credits.) Essentially every supporting character is really hilarious, and the writing is actually very smart, like sometimes Arrested Development smart, just not "good for being a show about hicks in a trailer park." And the writers don't forget anything.** There will be something taken as an off-hand joke that will become a multi-episode story-arc two seasons later. These guys are good. But even top-notch jokes and attention to detail can't compensate for the fact that you're on the writing staff for what's basically just a prime-time 100 Deeds for Eddie McDowd.

Yeah, but here are some little background things that made me laugh a little too much:

THE LITTLE THINGS: Dogma (Kevin Smith, 1999)

According to the official record, Dogma is the first "swear-friendly" movie I ever watched on my own accord (the little glimpses I caught of whatever child-inappropriate cinema my dad was watching don't really count as I never really saw enough to follow the plotline).

Every "f-bomb" Jay detonated really felt like one to my innocent ten-year-old self, and I thought the term "skeletons in the closet" actually related to osteology. Ah, my youth. The weird thing being that I know I saw Stand By Me long before I ever saw Dogma, and Dogma's like a limp little swear biscuit compared to SBM's rapid-fire cuss-tard.

(Sorry, I keep thinking in a British accent and it's really impeding my ability to metaphorize. All metaphors sound right brilliant in a British accent!)

Yeah, but here's some things you might not have noticed if you don't have the crippling reverse of Attention Deficit Disorder like me:





I, too, would hang out in airports if they had booths like that.





You can't really make out the signs, but I love how contemptuous Steve-Dave and Fanboy look of the other protesters.



'Nuff said.

THE LITTLE THINGS: Nathan Barley

Nathan Barley, the hilarious British satire from 2005 about all the oblivious idiots in the media industry, has some of the best background details I've come across. If only it had more than six episodes!


(S01E01)


(S01E01)


(S01E04, also in the pilot)

And the ultimate:


(S01e06)

Also, watch this show because it is brilliant.

THE LITTLE THINGS: Chasing Amy (Kevin Smith, 1997)

Chasing Amy is best when it stops trying to force its overly-melodramatic (and possibly GLAAD-offensive?) bi-curious plot-twists to work, and instead just lets itself be silly and fun.

(So when Ben Affleck is not in the frame.)

Here are some funny little things:



(Re: the doors, but why do young people in movies always seem have weird, expensive-looking sorts of corporate modern art in their overly spacious pads?)





...In the credit "thanks":



And as a Mallrats corollary:



(There is a direct line of influence between that quote and the three seasons of My Name is Earl I've watched/forced myself through.)

THE LITTLE THINGS: Mallrats (Kevin Smith, 1995)

I want that jacket, and one of these hats:



(Baby-size.)



(The hilarity stemming from how "Woody Woodpecker" sounds more like a porno than "Shannon Hamilton.")