Moby Dick is quite a mouthful. Of a book.
But the cathartic bliss and fulfillment once you finish is well worth the long, hard wait.
tags: cathartic, long, hard, mouthful
24 March 2010
AMAZON REVIEW: Moby-Dick; or, The Whale (Great Classics for Children) (Hardcover)
my step-dad told me I'd like it; gave me his
Moby Dick is quite a mouthful. Of a book.
But the cathartic bliss and fulfillment once you finish is well worth the long, hard wait.
tags: cathartic, long, hard, mouthful
Moby Dick is quite a mouthful. Of a book.
But the cathartic bliss and fulfillment once you finish is well worth the long, hard wait.
tags: cathartic, long, hard, mouthful
Pick-Up Lines You Could Use on Your Mom, If You Were Into That Kind of Thing:
-"I think sexy runs in our family."
-"I miss breast-feeding."
-"I've wanted to be inside you since I left the womb."
I really should not be allowed out of... or in the house.
-"I miss breast-feeding."
-"I've wanted to be inside you since I left the womb."
I really should not be allowed out of... or in the house.
20 March 2010
Erin's Guide to Determining Whether or Not He/She is the "One," or: SOULMATES?!?
1. Does he/she have a beard and glasses?
Point distribution may be modified for female candidates, depending on facial hair preference.
a) Glasses [1 point]
b) Beard or Moustache [1 point]
c) Neither [0 points]
d) Goatee or Soul Patch [-1 points]
2. Does he/she like Tom Goes to the Mayor?
a) Yes [2 points]
b) Yes, after you showed it to him/her [1 point]
c) No [-16 points]
Total your potential match's points.
> 3 points: This is a special fellow/lass. Hang on to him/her.
2 - 3 points: Does he/she like any other good teevee shows? Could you maybe persuade him/her to stop shaving, or perhaps encourage him/her to develop myopia?
< 2 points: Eh, you might as well spend your time catching up on those Always Sunny episodes you missed while watching his/her death metal band rehearse.
Point distribution may be modified for female candidates, depending on facial hair preference.
a) Glasses [1 point]
b) Beard or Moustache [1 point]
c) Neither [0 points]
d) Goatee or Soul Patch [-1 points]
2. Does he/she like Tom Goes to the Mayor?
a) Yes [2 points]
b) Yes, after you showed it to him/her [1 point]
c) No [-16 points]
Total your potential match's points.
> 3 points: This is a special fellow/lass. Hang on to him/her.
2 - 3 points: Does he/she like any other good teevee shows? Could you maybe persuade him/her to stop shaving, or perhaps encourage him/her to develop myopia?
< 2 points: Eh, you might as well spend your time catching up on those Always Sunny episodes you missed while watching his/her death metal band rehearse.
17 March 2010
hilarious quotes, made even more hilarious by attributing them to the wrong people:
"when it's true love, even a moment is enough, Taffy." - Airman Warlock
11 March 2010
07 March 2010
fictional characters from teevee shows that I basically am:
1. Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks^'
2. Liz Lemon from 30 Rock*^
3. Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm*
4. Daria Morgendorffer from Daria*^
5. April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation^
6. Mel from The Flight of the Conchords^
7. Abed Nadir from Community
8. Brendon Small from Home Movies
9. Malcolm Wilkerson from Malcolm in the Middle
10. George-Michael Bluth from Arrested Development*
11. Daisy Steiner from Spaced
12. Velma Dace Dinkley from Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!*^'
*has glasses
^brown-haired lady
'portrayed by Linda Cardellini in live-action form
I don't have any pictures from the Daria year.
1. I've tried to debate it ever since I realized how irritating she is, but I was friends with mathletes in high school before deciding I was "too cool" (sorry guys) for them and started hanging with an "alternative" crowd (if watching Jag är nyfiken - gul counts as "alternative"). I also wore an army jacket. But come on, am I really that much of a buzzkill?
2.Being Liz Lemon is more like a goal than a reality. But I do eat an awful lot of cheese. And wear man-clothes. Half-way there!
3.This is what I would be like if I had already gotten past that whole "money making" stage. Meaning, the scant social skills I currently have would completely disintegrate. Sounds like a plan, Janet.
4.Daria is a little cooler than I will ever be (I totally could never rock the Doc Martens the way she does),but we both do have kind of monotone voices in that deep-for-a-woman-range, and we are both almost exclusively sarcastic to the point that genuine social exchanges become infeasible. Also the fact I used to watch Daria in elementary school must count for something.
5. People I don't even know very well tell me that I remind them of "that girl from that Office spin-off." April has inspired me to pursue a career in stand-up comedy… someday.
6. I am so sorry, Ethan Fogus.
7. Oh god, I know who Abed is based on (though sadly not personally). The curious incident of the girl with the undiagnosed case of butt-patties, indeed. I also watch way too much television.
8. I kind of wish I had been more Brendon-like when I was in fourth grade. There is proof of story-, newspaper-, and play-writing, but movie-making was not until two years down the line. And I really hope I'm not that bossy.
9. I never watched the last few seasons, but please tell me that Malclom does not drop out of school on account of how his genius allows for him to write such witty, insightful blogs and spend so many hours doing things others would perceive as too sedentary and lethargic, but that this keen intelligence ultimately distracts him from his homework. Or earning a diploma.
10. I'm really kind of grateful that I do not have an oppositely-gendered cousin in the same age range. There are possibilities in that field that do not need to be examined.
11. Those scenes where she was trying to concentrate on writing... who needs essays... I should really watch Spaced again.
12. People compare me to Velma when they are done with being creative. Sure, I say, "Where are my glasses?" a lot more than the average person. But that's just because you guys keep hiding them!
2. Liz Lemon from 30 Rock*^
3. Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm*
4. Daria Morgendorffer from Daria*^
5. April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation^
6. Mel from The Flight of the Conchords^
7. Abed Nadir from Community
8. Brendon Small from Home Movies
9. Malcolm Wilkerson from Malcolm in the Middle
10. George-Michael Bluth from Arrested Development*
11. Daisy Steiner from Spaced
12. Velma Dace Dinkley from Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!*^'
*has glasses
^brown-haired lady
'portrayed by Linda Cardellini in live-action form
I don't have any pictures from the Daria year.
1. I've tried to debate it ever since I realized how irritating she is, but I was friends with mathletes in high school before deciding I was "too cool" (sorry guys) for them and started hanging with an "alternative" crowd (if watching Jag är nyfiken - gul counts as "alternative"). I also wore an army jacket. But come on, am I really that much of a buzzkill?
2.Being Liz Lemon is more like a goal than a reality. But I do eat an awful lot of cheese. And wear man-clothes. Half-way there!
3.This is what I would be like if I had already gotten past that whole "money making" stage. Meaning, the scant social skills I currently have would completely disintegrate. Sounds like a plan, Janet.
4.Daria is a little cooler than I will ever be (I totally could never rock the Doc Martens the way she does),but we both do have kind of monotone voices in that deep-for-a-woman-range, and we are both almost exclusively sarcastic to the point that genuine social exchanges become infeasible. Also the fact I used to watch Daria in elementary school must count for something.
5. People I don't even know very well tell me that I remind them of "that girl from that Office spin-off." April has inspired me to pursue a career in stand-up comedy… someday.
6. I am so sorry, Ethan Fogus.
7. Oh god, I know who Abed is based on (though sadly not personally). The curious incident of the girl with the undiagnosed case of butt-patties, indeed. I also watch way too much television.
8. I kind of wish I had been more Brendon-like when I was in fourth grade. There is proof of story-, newspaper-, and play-writing, but movie-making was not until two years down the line. And I really hope I'm not that bossy.
9. I never watched the last few seasons, but please tell me that Malclom does not drop out of school on account of how his genius allows for him to write such witty, insightful blogs and spend so many hours doing things others would perceive as too sedentary and lethargic, but that this keen intelligence ultimately distracts him from his homework. Or earning a diploma.
10. I'm really kind of grateful that I do not have an oppositely-gendered cousin in the same age range. There are possibilities in that field that do not need to be examined.
11. Those scenes where she was trying to concentrate on writing... who needs essays... I should really watch Spaced again.
12. People compare me to Velma when they are done with being creative. Sure, I say, "Where are my glasses?" a lot more than the average person. But that's just because you guys keep hiding them!
04 March 2010
If Travis Bickle Used Pick-Up Lines, Some Pick-Up Lines That He Might Use:
-"You know what I think about you? You're scum. Do you want to go to a dirty movie with me?"
-"You have beautiful eyes. I'd assassinate a presidential candidate for you."
-"If you were a child prostitute coerced into selling your pre-teenage body on the street for dope money, and my presidential candidate assassination plans fell through, I'd totally kill your pimp/part-time-lover, and two other guys who were there, for you."
-"You have beautiful eyes. I'd assassinate a presidential candidate for you."
-"If you were a child prostitute coerced into selling your pre-teenage body on the street for dope money, and my presidential candidate assassination plans fell through, I'd totally kill your pimp/part-time-lover, and two other guys who were there, for you."
03 March 2010
A Short One-Act Play Concerning a Dream That I Had Last Night
For my theater class, we had to write a "play" of a dream that we had that week. So I did that.
ACT I
Scene 1
(LIGHTS UP. A bedroom. ROSE, early 20s, sits on a bed. She leans over a wire hamster cage sitting beside her. The hamster jumps on a large, green seed to one side of the cage. ERIN, Rose's younger sister, sits on the bed, watching the rodent.)
ERIN: Y'know, I have a wheel from before… like, a small one. Like, for small hamsters... You could have it.
(Rose gives Erin a nasty look. Erin pulls a hamster wheel out from under the bed. It is rusty, encrusted with dirt and old woodchip shavings. Rose just stares at Erin. LIGHTS DOWN.)
Scene 1
(LIGHTS UP. A bedroom. ROSE, early 20s, sits on a bed. She leans over a wire hamster cage sitting beside her. The hamster jumps on a large, green seed to one side of the cage. ERIN, Rose's younger sister, sits on the bed, watching the rodent.)
ERIN: Y'know, I have a wheel from before… like, a small one. Like, for small hamsters... You could have it.
(Rose gives Erin a nasty look. Erin pulls a hamster wheel out from under the bed. It is rusty, encrusted with dirt and old woodchip shavings. Rose just stares at Erin. LIGHTS DOWN.)
things that are my life: AXECOP!
Ever wondered what it would have been like if, when you were a child, a twenty-something comic-book-artist had illustrated all the somehow fantastically imaginative things you were always sputtering about?
Yeah, this is like that.
Except, unlike you who probably didn't day-dream much past The Big Comfy Couch, this five-year-old kid thinks about vampire wizard ninja brothers from the moon. And weapons, lots of weapons. And pet t-rexes named Wexter. And cops who have axes. And then his older brother illustrates these mind-gasms and puts them on the internet.
AXECOP IS MY LIFE.
Yeah, this is like that.
Except, unlike you who probably didn't day-dream much past The Big Comfy Couch, this five-year-old kid thinks about vampire wizard ninja brothers from the moon. And weapons, lots of weapons. And pet t-rexes named Wexter. And cops who have axes. And then his older brother illustrates these mind-gasms and puts them on the internet.
AXECOP IS MY LIFE.
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